Uncertainty Bites, 1

I've struggled with motherhood vs. career for years. I've been wanting to go back for my MBA for about 3 years now and have put it off for a variety of reasons. I'd like to emphasize in IS. A more indepth discussion of this problem can be read about here.

I finally decided to have a real conversation with my supervisor about taking a class in Spring. He seemed a bit reluctant, but was still quite supportive (if you can imagine that). I filled out the necessary paperwork for TAP, met with an advisor and registered for the class on December 16. I was both excited and anxious about the prospect of stepping back into the classroom after 5 years, but consoled my fear by thinking about all the benefits of having an MBA in this market and in Charlotte, a place we hope to live in the next few years.

Then it happened. I texted my pastor's wife inviting her to lunch.

One thing I can say about her is that she truly has a servant's heart. I can't speak highly enugh about this woman and the encouragement she's been in my life.As I expected, she wanted to talk about me and everything that's been going on with Warren and I. The subject of going back to school came up.

P: So, what's going on with you. Do you need me for anything?

Glo: Well, I've finally decided to go back to school.

P: Okay. Well what are you going back to school for?

Glo: Well, I'm taking an information systems class to make a decision about an MBA emphasis...

P: Okay. And what do you plan to do with that?

Glo: *apprehensive and probably way too involved explanation about what what I plan to do with the MBA

P: Okay...and how do you plan to balance that with being a mother?

Glo: *CRICKETS*

And the saga continues. In about 3-4 minutes my excitement and anxiety turned to just anxiety and I felt trapped...again...by motherhood. I hate having this feeling. I really do. Earning a post graduate degree has always been a goal of mine. I'd really like to do it. I've always had an entrepreneurial spirit and have come up with 101 ways to make a dollar BUT, I don't want to deal with the uncertainty of working for myself. I mention this because she began to talk about ways that other mothers in the church supplement the income of their husbands. Everyone she mentioned has some type of creative spark.

P: Why don't you take a photography class instead of the other one.

Glo: I could but I'm not creative. You can't teach creativity.

P: ____ could teach you.

Glo: I don't know.

P: Well what's your degree in?

Glo: Production. I thought about doing wedding videography and even did a little freelance production, but that didn't pay my bills.

P: Wedding videography is a good field.

Glo: It's so expensive to get started. The camera I'll need is over $3,000 and I'm out of practice. My portfolio ends in 2005.

P: You could pair up with ____. Look at _____. They are doing well and ______'s business is really taking off...

And so here I am...again. Pondering what it would be like to work for myself, take the risk, eventually quit my job and solely depend on my ability to hustle and market my skills...

I think part of my problem is that I really don't trust God as I should. He's Jehovah Jirah, right? I worry about the next step and how we'll pay for Warren to go to seminary, the regret of not taking advantage of my opporunity to earn an MBA for free, never being able to afford our own home or to live comfortably and debt free.

I also worry about not being there for my children and husband. Not having and eternal focus. Becoming driven by money and position. Struggle, struggle, struggle...

I am starting to get some ducks in a row and I still plan on taking the class and GMAT prep course...That's what it is right now.

*sigh*

101 Things in 1,001 Days?

I got this idea from someone I've web stalked for years (yes...years). She explains the idea behind the 1,001 days here. I'm probably going to keep track of my successes and failures here. No need to start yet another blog. I barely keep up with those I already have.

What is it?: A list of things that I'm going to set out to complete in the next 1,001 days.

Why are you doing this?: To shake things up a bit and to get more into goal setting in my personal life (not just work life).
When do you start:? January 1 is the official date but life won't end if I complete one or two more things before then.

I have some of my list completed.

In no particular order:

1. Drink water only for 40 days straight
2. Start a business side hustle that makes at least $200/month
3. Change my hair
4. Lose 15 pounds or 15% of my current body fat (long story)
5. Take a guitar or piano lesson
6. Share some of my poetry ramblings at an open mic
7. Go on a short term missions trip
8. Go on a cruise
9. Visit my grandmother alone for the weekend
10. Learn to swim
11. Take a dance class with Warren
12. Slowly but surely become a pescetarian
13. Serve during Christmas or Thanksgiving at a soup kitchen
14. Babysit Imani for a summer
15. Send a handwritten letter to my mother, my aunt, my grandmother and my great grandmother expressing my love and appreciation for them
16. Learn, once and for all, how to crochet
17. Read the entire Bible in chronological order twice
18. In Summer 2010 or 2011, wear a dress for 7 days straight
19. Abstain from fried food for 40 days
20. Actively seek out a teenaged girl to disciple
21. Actively seek out someone to disciple me (may have already found this one)
22. Spend one month away from Facebook and all favorite blogs
23. Advertise my loc maintenance services
24. Exclude fried food from diet for 30 days
25. Go on a cruise
26. Cut up all credit cards
27. Stop picking my fingers
28. Write a play
29. Attend a play
30. Attend the Savannah Jazz Festival
31. Have a picnic on Sweetheart Circle
32. Go to an NBA game with Warren
33. Take a photography class
34. Reconnect with an old friend
35. Support a missionary
36. Run/Walk in a 5K
37. See Mint Condition in concert
38. Go ice skating
39. Travel overseas

I'll continue to update this list as I add new things.

Weight loss and randomness.

I’ve vowed, once again, to lose weight. I hope to lose 20 lbs and/or 5 inches in the waist by the end of March. I’m currently pushing a size 10. I want to get back into my MANY pairs of size 6 slacks and jeans. No one EVER could have told me that I'd weigh 160. People TRIED to tell me, CURSE me rather. I remember some of my female relatives looking at my size 4 frame when I was about 20 or 21 with smirks on their faces. "You'll gain weight, JUST LIKE US...I was your size back in the day." CURSES! I started gaining weight about a year or so after I took this job. I distinctly remember my first trip to Express to buy a few pairs of Editors in size 8 when my regular sizes started fitting to snug. Grrr...I will beat this thing...lol...for real.

In the mean time, weight is melting off of Warren, who in the last 2 or 3 months has gone from 250 to the mid 230s, with minimal effort. A few pick up games here and there and buddy has basically lost the weight on accident. He's joined a men's league so I'm sure his wasboard abs will be back by summer. I, on the other hand have to fight for every pound. Yeesh.

Anyway, I’ve been pretty much drinking water and eating fish, rice and veggies since the Sunday after Thanksgiving. So then, my “starting” weight was 163. I’m down to 160 and hope to be down about 5 more pounds by the end of January. I joined a gym to use the cardio machines and to take a BodyFlow class. I hope to update my progress on here but that never really goes well.

Rant over...list time.

1. I can add my class in 2 days.
2. Only spent about $37.00 on grocery in the past two weeks. Would have been okay had we not purchased fast food 3 or 4 times between Friday and Sunday. Phooey. Keep us on track Dave Ramsey.
3. I’ve been told I have hypoxia (eye) do to over wearing my contacts. Guess I have to break down and buy some more glasses.
4. Saw Brothers. Worth the look. 
5. Going to Colorado in a week. Happy to visit but I hate cold weather.
6. Wondering what's up with this blog for more reasons than one.
7. About to run to the library to load up on books and inspiration for Spring training. *jiggy*
8. Reading The Great Gatsby. So far so good. I enjoyed the CONCEPT in school, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it much more as an adult. Checked out a book of Fitzgerald short stories a few months back. WONDERFUL.
9. Tried to make it through Waiting for Godot and became utterly bored. Won't finish it. I won't say it's overrated. I will say it's "not my cup of tea."
10. I want to re-read Their Eyes Were Watching God in January or February. We'll see.
11. Success Rice is the bomb.
12. Speaking of rice, I had eggs and rice for breakfast and then eggs, rice and Treet for lunch. Talk about WOW.
13. Pastor only preached on ONE verse this past Sunday, but boy oh boy did he preach. "If anyone has no love for the Lord, let him be accursed. Our Lord, come!" 1 Corinthians 16:22. Read 1 Corinthians 15 and all four gospels for context.

Random Happenings and Thoughts since the last post

1. Either I'm crazy or furloughs are dope. I feel so rested and energized. Much needed.
2. Finally bought the Financial Peace Planner to go along with the book I bought about two years ago. We're doing some things right and some things wrong. Time to get down to business.
3. Saw my great grandmother. She looks great. What a blessing to have a grandmother who is 69 and a great grandmother who is only 85! I'm nearly 30 and my GG is still alive and in her right mind. Crazy.
4. Bobby will be back in Afghanistan by next week. *sigh*
5. The avoidance game is over...or maybe.
6. Goosby is sick, which means I'll be sick by next week. The.worst.
7. December 16 will be here before I know it. Let the journey begin.
8. The visitor squatter is gone. *applause*
9. Interviews continue next week...*laughcry*
10. Love hearing from my old callers. I'm so proud of (some) them. lol...
11. I think it's safe to say that I'm finally over HCR. Good feeling.
12. I would pay top dollar to see Mint Condition in concert. I mean, TOP dollar.
13. Saw Precious and New Moon. Precious=A, but brace yourself. New Moon=C, at best.

"You do what?...."

Saying my job title in a group is always interesting. "I'm a 'Phonathon Coordinator'," I'll say. Puzzled looks and furrowed brows appear of the face of the hearers. Most times, I have to explain it in such a brief way that it fails to encompass all that I do. Simply stated, I manage student telemarketers or as some like to call them "telefundraisers." That's right, I manage a group of students who work in a field that about 99% of the U.S. population would probably agree that they hate. We call and ask people to give my alma mater money.

When asked how I got into my line of work, I always say "No one says, 'I want to be a Phonathon Coordinator' when I grow up." I earned a degree in Broadcasting in 2004. During my time as a student, I became involved in several areas on campus including housing, advisement, admissions and student media. My experience on several student staffs sparked an interest in managing student staffs and assisting in the development of a variety of leadership skills ranging from peer management to communication skills.

Shortly after graduation, my uncle asked me to describe me "dream job." My answer was simple. "I can work anywhere and I really don't mind what I do, but I want to BE IN CHARGE." I realized freelancing would not provide the financial support necessary to sustain a living and pay off college loans, so I continued to apply for jobs in higher education--all student services related.

In mid 2005, I found a job on the HR site at my alma mater for a "Phonathon Coordinator." I had no idea what a "phonathon" and was and I was completely unfamiliar with the Phonathon program there or anywhere else. The only required experience I possessed was student staff management. I applied, interviewed, and nearly 4 years later, here I am. What I've found is a thriving industry and thousands of dedicated professionals. No one says "I want to be a 'Phonathon Coordinator' when I grow up," but those who become coordinators quickly learn they've stumbled upon a career with tons of opportunities and intangible rewards.

The relationships I've built with my callers and the progress I've seen them make as fund-raisers, leaders and ambassadors for the University's mission have been amazing. Reaching goal is always a priority that I drive home with my staff but nothing beats the remarkably satisfying feeling of knowing I've impacted the college experience of individual students. To me, this is worth more than dollar goal I will ever reach.

Mo' Stuff

1. Visited little brother and his wife this past weekend. He's home on R&R from Afghanistan.
2. Totally in love with the Fashion Bananas blog.
3. I need this dress.
4. Speaking of fashion and dresses, went shopping in my aunt's closet this weekend. She has TONS of clothes and at least 100 pairs of shoes. Walked away with a new pair of black patent leather pumps, 4 pairs of slacks, 2 new dresses, 2 vests, a jean jacket, a jean suit (kinda iffy on this but it's cute) and at least 20-30 tops. She saved me at least $400-$500. Love you auntie!
5. Haven't been home since Friday morning. Can't wait to see my dogs, sleep in my bed and cuddle up with my husband.
6. Gearing up for Spring interviews. Excited to meet and interview new kids.
7. Found out their offering an alternative to Intro to Java Programming that is more suited for peeps like me...Praise the Lord.
8. Wondering if my uncle will think about our nearly 5 hour talk on God, Christianity and the gospel. We've had it several times before. I pray the Lord gives him a heart of flesh.
9. Couldn't be more unimpressed with Make Up Forever HD Foundation...No good for oily girls with problem skin...MIGHT try the Matte Foundation.
10. Starting to understand that SAP Cerification is a golden ticket. I've gotta have it.

Miscellany.

1. Getting "advised" on November 4!
2. Attended an atheism vs. Christianity debate on Thursday and ended up staying out there for like 5 hours reasoning with the "Areopagites"
3. Coming to terms with closing chapters in my life story...(more to come on this one too)
4. Joining 180 Fitness. Took three BodyFlow classes and I'm inspired.
5. Bought a pair of running shoes...that I actually plan on using.
6. Seriously missing my loose hair. Chopped locs coming in 2010? Probably.
7. Contemplating moving out of current house.
8. Purchased a supercool vaccuum cleaner.
9. Went to a couple's retreat at New Ebenezer. Loved it.
10. Been getting spanked in Phase 10 for about a week now. About 8 games to 1. Horrible.
11. Still thinking about the "God's Love Challenged and Defended" sermon preached back in September.
12. Pondering the doctrines of vocation and motherhood.
13. Starting to understand why Ms. Diane isn't finishing her study books as quickly as everyone else in the GED class.
14. Remembering the joy of salvation and sharing God's truth.
15. Haven't listened to any CR in over 2 months.
16. Growing ever appreciative of the grace God has shown in placing me at Trinity.