Motherhood, again....

I was hanging out with two couples from my church about a week or so ago. As usual, within three minutes of our arrival, the women gathered in the kitchen and the men gathered in the living room. Are we made this way? Why do we do this? Anyway, a conversation begins, quite innocently, about another couple that was unable to attend our little get together. Our hostess furrowed her brow at the very mention of absent wife's name and proceeded to tell us why Absent Wife was a bad person.

Now, do not get me wrong. Absent Wife is a bad person, but then again, so am I, as is Hostess. None stand guiltless before the Lord. The cause of the burning in my chest was the attitude taken towards Absent Wife. Apparently, she has two small children and works outside the home. Even when her husband, hearing the chatter, called from the living room to say, "Honey, you're gossiping," she continued on in a hushed voice about how she doesn't respect her.

I'd like to flesh this out a bit more in a later post, but I could hear these word echoing in my mind:

God, I thank you that I'm not like other women, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like Absent Wife, who works outside the home and puts her children in day care....

I know that isn't how the verse goes (full passage here), but it's seriously what I felt she was basically saying. It's almost as if Hostess felt she was more blessed in Christ or more sanctified because she stays at home. Hostess cemented my perception when she finished her critique of the woman by saying, matter of factly, that she and Absent Wife "just have different worldviews," as if this woman's very salvation is tied up in whether her kids are put in daycare or not.

In the meantime, the woman is given no grace and offered no love (and no respect). We don't know why Absent Wife is working outside the home. We don't know her financial situation AND if indeed, we can prove that the Lord calls all women with children to stay home, why not sit that sister down and speak to her about what the Lord says instead of writing her off like some "nominal Christian"? (and what is a "nominal Christians" anyway?????)

With that said, here are some questions that I ponder on the regular. I invite all who read this to ponder and search the scriptures as well.

1. What does God say about mothers working outside the home?
2. Have most Christian woman fallen victim to feminist views on gender roles and careers?
3. What's the "modern" Christian woman to do in the face of SAHM who aren't feeling the Christian career woman/mother?

The Part Time Housewife

A friend shared this blog post with me. I must say that I agree with the woman's thoughts on working outside the home. A few years ago, when asked to discuss my five year plan, I responded "In five year, I hope to be a wife and mother."

A few years ago, when asked to discuss my five year plan, I responded "In five year, I hope to be a wife and mother." I remember actually getting into arguments with people who felt staying at home was a waste of time and the mark of a lazy woman. I don’t know when it became LAZY for a woman to keep the home and watch her own children rather than hiring someone else to do it, but that is a completely different story for a completely different blog post.

I did and DO enjoy my job, but the plan was to get a job, go back to graduate school, work a little more to give me something to do until my Prince Charming came along. Thankfully, my Prince Charming came along and I praise God for him, however, as I face the possibility of actually having to “put my money where my mouth is” I’m realizing that being SAHM may not be an immediate option for us.

In a different blog post on the same topic she says:

In the land of idealistic egalitarianism, both spouses work the same number of hours and spend the same amount of time on childcare and household chores. But in real life, it rarely works.

I almost have to agree with this. I'm not a mother yet, but juggling my household responsibilities with my work responsibilities is a bit tiring. My hours make much of what I'm able to do, possible. Working a regular 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. would drive me crazy, as I would still need to manage things at home. My typical mornings during the week involve washing and folding clothes, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning our bedroom and bathroom, taking care of the dogs, vacuuming, cleaning windows, running errands, paying bills, budgeting and everything in between. I stop around 11:30 a.m. to make lunch (and sometimes dinner for Warren) and to get myself ready for work. I don't mind doing all these things because I like Warren to come home to a clean and orderly house. I'm a part time housewife and it's hard. I have to admit though that the possibility of throwing a baby into this rotation is frightening. I really don't know how people do it.

I'm all over the place, I want to go back to school, but I ultimately want to stay home. I want us to be able to afford a home and children without struggling, but then I know Warren isn't about to be some false preacher doing the money cometh dance, duping people out of their money in the name of "Gawd," so realistically we're not going to be loaded. I guess I somehow believe that if I go back to school everything will be "okay" but honestly from an emotional and spiritual sense, it could be worse in the long run. The idol of control rears his ugly head again....GRRRR.

A friend and new mother had this as her Facebook status message last week

Trying to be a career woman, mother , and wife feels difficult. I miss my baby, but I definitely need the moola.

I don't want to be her. I don't want to experience this. More motherhood vs. career tension for ya on a Monday night.

Uncertainty Bites, 1

I've struggled with motherhood vs. career for years. I've been wanting to go back for my MBA for about 3 years now and have put it off for a variety of reasons. I'd like to emphasize in IS. A more indepth discussion of this problem can be read about here.

I finally decided to have a real conversation with my supervisor about taking a class in Spring. He seemed a bit reluctant, but was still quite supportive (if you can imagine that). I filled out the necessary paperwork for TAP, met with an advisor and registered for the class on December 16. I was both excited and anxious about the prospect of stepping back into the classroom after 5 years, but consoled my fear by thinking about all the benefits of having an MBA in this market and in Charlotte, a place we hope to live in the next few years.

Then it happened. I texted my pastor's wife inviting her to lunch.

One thing I can say about her is that she truly has a servant's heart. I can't speak highly enugh about this woman and the encouragement she's been in my life.As I expected, she wanted to talk about me and everything that's been going on with Warren and I. The subject of going back to school came up.

P: So, what's going on with you. Do you need me for anything?

Glo: Well, I've finally decided to go back to school.

P: Okay. Well what are you going back to school for?

Glo: Well, I'm taking an information systems class to make a decision about an MBA emphasis...

P: Okay. And what do you plan to do with that?

Glo: *apprehensive and probably way too involved explanation about what what I plan to do with the MBA

P: Okay...and how do you plan to balance that with being a mother?

Glo: *CRICKETS*

And the saga continues. In about 3-4 minutes my excitement and anxiety turned to just anxiety and I felt trapped...again...by motherhood. I hate having this feeling. I really do. Earning a post graduate degree has always been a goal of mine. I'd really like to do it. I've always had an entrepreneurial spirit and have come up with 101 ways to make a dollar BUT, I don't want to deal with the uncertainty of working for myself. I mention this because she began to talk about ways that other mothers in the church supplement the income of their husbands. Everyone she mentioned has some type of creative spark.

P: Why don't you take a photography class instead of the other one.

Glo: I could but I'm not creative. You can't teach creativity.

P: ____ could teach you.

Glo: I don't know.

P: Well what's your degree in?

Glo: Production. I thought about doing wedding videography and even did a little freelance production, but that didn't pay my bills.

P: Wedding videography is a good field.

Glo: It's so expensive to get started. The camera I'll need is over $3,000 and I'm out of practice. My portfolio ends in 2005.

P: You could pair up with ____. Look at _____. They are doing well and ______'s business is really taking off...

And so here I am...again. Pondering what it would be like to work for myself, take the risk, eventually quit my job and solely depend on my ability to hustle and market my skills...

I think part of my problem is that I really don't trust God as I should. He's Jehovah Jirah, right? I worry about the next step and how we'll pay for Warren to go to seminary, the regret of not taking advantage of my opporunity to earn an MBA for free, never being able to afford our own home or to live comfortably and debt free.

I also worry about not being there for my children and husband. Not having and eternal focus. Becoming driven by money and position. Struggle, struggle, struggle...

I am starting to get some ducks in a row and I still plan on taking the class and GMAT prep course...That's what it is right now.

*sigh*