Friday, September 24, 2010

All the time we've got is all the time we've got...

I attended a funeral yesterday. I wrote the following as I waited for the ceremony to begin.

Smiling faces. At a funeral. Someone took her last breath a week ago and people are smiling. Heads are turning. Seeing who's in attendance, checking out clothing and hair. Sizing each other up. A reunion of sorts for some. Wooden chairs in a rundown high school auditorium. Voices from the intercom make announcements for the living. It's not somber enough. Quiet enough. Respectful enough. I want to cry. She wasn't my best friend. She wasn't a friend at all. A mere associate, turned acquaintance, turned stranger. Haven't even seen her in 5 or 6 years. Can't say my eyes burned with tears when I heard about it. Feeling was one more of shock. Speculated about attending. Wanted to give those closest to her privacy. But here I sit in a hard wooden chair next to a three year singing "Happy Birthday" to himself with the buzzy murmuring of 50 conversations about season finale's, the songs on the radio and some woman who braids hair. No mourning. No tears. Just jaws chewing gum. Giggling and murmuring. I want to cry for her. I feel a rush of emotion surging through me. I feel the familiar sensation of warmth blurring my vision as I write. I want to stand up and shush everyone. Someone chuckles about another's absence. "She told me she was coming," says one. "She lie," the other responds. More chuckling. More mundane talk from the living. No brevity allowed. Just gum smacking and silly talk. It's hitting me. I wondering how closely this gathering mirrors my eventual funeral. I'm sick. Just cremate me.

Nothing like a funeral to make you ponder death and all it's implications. They brought the body in about 30 minutes after my arrival. The entire tone changed as we rose watched the pall bearers carry her in encased in a shiny white casket with a colorful bouquet securely fixed on top. I was glad.

I pictured her face, usually smiling, now flat and humorless, laying in the dark box and came close to tears again. Her family immediately after. I pictured myself at the funeral of my best friend/husband and the room blurred. I saw myself crying in the front row, fainting, vomiting in despair in shock.

There was singing, tears and even laughter are people gave remarks on how she touched their lives. It still didn't seem real to me and still doesn't seem real to me. I sat there wondering at times why I couldn't cry specifically about her death. She was a nice girl. A good girl. A beautiful girl. A young girl. Perhaps it's because I feel it's possible that she's with Christ. Perhaps it's because I didn't think I had the right to cry for her--like only those who loved her best should weep. I have no idea. I can be a leaky bucket of tears. Then it dawned on me that I hardly cry when one should cry. I didn't cry when my great grandmother's brother died, or when my grandmother's sister died, or when an older cousin died. But I've cried reading stories of abused children, or at the sight of stray dogs and even this morning when my husband informed me that he'd be away until about 10 p.m. or 11 p.m. today. I find it strange. I guess I could analyze it, but frankly it's too early to be that introspective.

Work prevented me from staying to hear the eulogy, but I'm glad I attended. It's the first funeral I ever attended alone and maybe only the fifth I've ever attended in my life. I'm glad I was reminded of her life and her energy. "All the time you've got, is all the time you've got...and in time, all your time will stop."

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Insomniac ramble

  1. 2+2=5
  2. A video of  Waka Flocka Flame is in heavy rotation on many blogs and Facebook newsfeeds due to his less than intelligent answers to questions regarding education and voting. I want to laugh but it's not funny. I watched the video and felt bad for him...and for the YBY.  I don't mean this in a condescending way either. I REALLY feel bad for him that people are calling this dude an idiot and pretty much using him as a means to feel better about themselves. It appears that Terrance knew he was going into unknown territory with Mr. Flocka, as did Rocsi, which explains why she threw her head back in laughter when the interview turned "serious." Click here if you like watching train wrecks.
  3. Recently discovered that Bible Gateway allows you to type in a passage to be read aloud in almost every translation. I may be late, but it's super cool. Check it out.
  4. Warren is running his first 5K tomorrow. I should jack him up for doing one of my 101 Things (remember that? I'm still working on it! Ha!)
  5. A "scaled down" version of my 10 year high school reunion is still on. #ohletsdoit
  6. To Die is Gain is still probably one of the best rap albums I've ever heard. Stephen the Levite's flow is kinda ridiculous.
  7. Speaking of CHH, I haven't bought a new album in a minute. Heard the single from Trip's album and pretty much passed it up. Think the same is going to happen with Lecrae's new joint. We do have Sho's second album. It was cool for the most part. Heard about A Yellow Man the other day. They have me excited again. I definitely want to branch out once I get other things settled.
  8. Been listening to Line of Fire lately to give myself a break from Fighting For the Faith. FFTF is an apologetics show at it's core, and sometimes it can be a bit much. Might be time to retire all these radio shows and hit up Sermon Audio and TPC Sermons
  9. Lies My Pastor Told Me. No, I'm not talking about my pastor. I'm talking about an eBook available for download that addresses 15 of the most popular church cliches of the day. Read it if you dare. Totally free.
  10. Found out a woman I went to college with died yesterday at a dialysis appointment. It's still kinda surreal. We weren't close by any means, but we did work together for a couple of summers...even stepped together for 2 years during our freshmen and sophomore years. Never know when your time is up. "Oh Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am. Behold, you have made my days a few headbreaths and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath...." RIP Frances.
  11. Why am I still awake?

Saturday, September 11, 2010

One Hundred Thousand Trillion

  1. Had the opportunity to catch the tail end of a coaches clinic at my alma mater thanks to hubby. Watched some cool plays and got the basketball season itch. Excited.
  2. Spoke to a former caller on the phone today. Says she hates her new job. Put in her resignation today. Life after college is hard. lol...
  3. Need some eyeglasses! Sooooo badly. Was supposed to go price frames today but those plans fell by the wayside. Grrrr.
  4. Saw The Expendables today. Glad was caught it for matinee prices. More explosions than a little bit. C- at best.
  5. Someone please come twist my hair! My locs days are numbered. I want my fro back. lol...*sigh*
  6. Had a great few days of training this past week. New kids look good. Only time will tell.
  7. So...Willow Smith has a song out. Jay-Z has signed her. What talent did this nine year old display that caught his attention, you ask? Say the following aloud in a high pitched voice: "I whip my hair back and forth." Now repeat that phrase for three minutes and 16 seconds with a few other adlibs and "haterisms". Add auto-tune and a really hot beat. Rinse, Repeat. Or...just click this link.
  8. I really want a Pop Tart right now.
  9. Facebook is a friend to the vain and an enemy to the covetous.
  10. I think I need to take a break from the following: FightingForTheFaith, Facebook, Youtube and all messageboards. Yes...I think I will.
  11. I've fallen off the "working out" bandwagon, but plan on getting back into the routine on Monday.
  12. There are people in this world who will suck the life out of you if you let them. Run away.
  13. All the cool kids hang out on tumblr. Don't believe me? Go over there! Thing is, I don't GET tumblr. LOL. I created an account and could never figure out how to use it...
  14. Speaking of tumblr...their taglines is "....the easiest way to share yourself." Thinking about this brings to mind the concept of internet identity. I was browing tumblr the other day in amazement. I anyone really that cool or interesting...or mysterious. I really asked myself this. For example, I stumbled upon the tumbleblog of this chic named "Kesh." Follow the link if you're interested (be careful as she likes to pose nude), but I found myself wondering what this chick does during the day. Does she have a job? Who are her parents? What is her family background? Did she go to college? Why is she taking these pictures? Why are they so intriguing? So weird? So vulgar? I mean...who is this broad? LOL...How does someone become her? Like, what has to happen in your brain to produce the ideas behind her photography and personal style? I wondered the same as I browsed Facebook today. Saw some pictures that a FB friend was tagged in. She was an this SUPER ELABORATE bridal I looked at the detail, the clothing of the guests, the cakes, the gifts, I wondered to myself..."who are these people?" I can't quite explain it...the internet, art, photography have a way of altering reality, making life seem less ordinary and making people seem more's really cool and kinda sad in a way. #Justthoughts
  15. My dogs need food. Off to WalMart. *poof*

Thursday, September 9, 2010

So...about that...

So...about that class reunion in October that I was pumped about.

 I received an e-mail today informing me that it's been canceled due to "low participation."

The brief convo to the left happened after I mentioned the cancellation in my status message.  Boooo I say...BOOOOOO!

My main question is why someone who told me directly that she didn't want to attend because of "wahh wahhh wahhhhh" is asking why it's cancelled...Puzzles me. There are some who really CAN'T come. I don't know what to make of those who live within an hour (or worse yet, in Hinesville) and plan on staying home.

I don't have much else to say about this aside from the fact that I hope those of us who wanted to go will still come together for a small but very spirited gathering...

There's actually a guy who's booked his flight from California to attend yet it was those who are a stone's throw away who pretty much broke up the party. They are lame. I hope they read this...


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Note to self (and whoever's reading this)

I'm an avid blog reader. Blog topics ranging from saving money, to being a SAHM, to fashion and makeup fill my RSS feed equivalent ("Following"). I love reading about the lives of others, the views of others and the interests of others. I guess I'm naturally inquisitive. I get to journey other states and meet seemingly exciting, creative, humble, orderly people with the click of a button. Some days I chuckle, some days I'm in awe, other days I'm inspired to try new things or to approach life from a different perspective. The internet is truly a wonderful place, when used properly and in moderation.

In my first or second post, I divulged my relationship with blogs. I love them and then I leave them for a number of reasons. It's been easy to do because all of my blogs have served a particular and specific purpose in my life at the time they were written. My life immediately after undergrad was documented. My life as a young, single Christian in my first "real" job was documented. I documented loves and losses and all the foibles in between. Blogging, to me, is free therapy. Sometimes I visit my old blogs and I'm amazed at the person I find. Sometimes she's bitter. Sometimes she's thoughtful. Sometimes she's creative. Sometimes she's down right snarky. Other times she's one of the most focused and impressive women I've ever encountered.

Looking back at this blog, I see a change of tone that is both refreshing and depressing. The woman here has struggled with her role as a wife and eventual mother. The woman here doesn't know what she wants to be, or where she wants to go. The woman here is sometimes funny, mostly transparent and  trying to spiritually navigate her way through this life, for better and for worse. She's not perfect. She doesn't pretend to be.

Many of my blog posts will not be rainbows and butterflies. I don't want to create a different "internet" Glo that is more satisfying to the common palette (mine included). I need to be who I am. I need to see myself, flaws and all, so I can confront them and hopefully address them by his spirit.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Unsolicited advice

A past situation suddenly invaded my brain a few days ago.

I worked at Express for about 9 months several years ago. One night, near closing, two women walked into the store to take a peek at some of the newest addition to our fall line. I was standing next to the counter and one of the women approached me.

I assumed she was going to ask me about an article of clothing or a fitting room. She had something else in mind.

"Have you ever heard of Accutane?"
"Oh okay, well I tried it and...*pauses* You may not believe this but my skin was worse than yours!"
*blank stare*
"What do you use right now?"
*babbling out my skin care regimine while trying to process the situation*
"Well, I mean, you should really consider asking a dermatologist about it."
*comments about the crazy side effects*
"I had the chapped lips and, of course I had to stay out of the sun,'s worth it!"

*Dazed and Confused*

I remember driving home to my apartment, utterly disgusted that this broad approached me about something so personal. I switched out my ailment/physical flaw for others to determine if I was overreacting.

*Glo approaching an overweight woman*
"Hi. Have you tried Jenny Craig? You probably won't believe me but, I was as fat as you were about a year ago."
Definitely rude..

How about....

*Glo approaching a person with traction alopecia*
"Hi. Have you ever heard of Dr. Miracle's Temple and Nape Gro Balm? It really works! Just last year, my edges looked as bad as yours. Now look!"

One more shot....

*Glo sees someone with dingy teeth*
"Hi! *toothy smile* Have you ever tried Rembrant Intense Stain Toothpaste? It's really great. My teeth were as yellow as yours just last year, but check me out today!"
I'm sure her heart was in the right place. She found something that worked for her and she wanted to preach the Accutane gospel to all the lost and deprived, but my word!

I told my mother the story and begged her to pay for my visit to the dermatologist (no health insurance). Ever simultaneously love and hate someone? Yeah...I have...that woman. LOL...

Eh...don't know why I shared this. Perhaps it's my effort prolong the eventual abandonment of this blog. I will say that to this day I try not to offer unsolicited advice. Guess I should be thanking that woman for teaching me a life lesson on how to talk to people and consider the feelings of others...#heffa