Friday, December 25, 2009

Uncertainty Bites, 1

I've struggled with motherhood vs. career for years. I've been wanting to go back for my MBA for about 3 years now and have put it off for a variety of reasons. I'd like to emphasize in IS. A more indepth discussion of this problem can be read about here.

I finally decided to have a real conversation with my supervisor about taking a class in Spring. He seemed a bit reluctant, but was still quite supportive (if you can imagine that). I filled out the necessary paperwork for TAP, met with an advisor and registered for the class on December 16. I was both excited and anxious about the prospect of stepping back into the classroom after 5 years, but consoled my fear by thinking about all the benefits of having an MBA in this market and in Charlotte, a place we hope to live in the next few years.

Then it happened. I texted my pastor's wife inviting her to lunch.

One thing I can say about her is that she truly has a servant's heart. I can't speak highly enugh about this woman and the encouragement she's been in my life.As I expected, she wanted to talk about me and everything that's been going on with Warren and I. The subject of going back to school came up.

P: So, what's going on with you. Do you need me for anything?

Glo: Well, I've finally decided to go back to school.

P: Okay. Well what are you going back to school for?

Glo: Well, I'm taking an information systems class to make a decision about an MBA emphasis...

P: Okay. And what do you plan to do with that?

Glo: *apprehensive and probably way too involved explanation about what what I plan to do with the MBA

P: Okay...and how do you plan to balance that with being a mother?


And the saga continues. In about 3-4 minutes my excitement and anxiety turned to just anxiety and I felt motherhood. I hate having this feeling. I really do. Earning a post graduate degree has always been a goal of mine. I'd really like to do it. I've always had an entrepreneurial spirit and have come up with 101 ways to make a dollar BUT, I don't want to deal with the uncertainty of working for myself. I mention this because she began to talk about ways that other mothers in the church supplement the income of their husbands. Everyone she mentioned has some type of creative spark.

P: Why don't you take a photography class instead of the other one.

Glo: I could but I'm not creative. You can't teach creativity.

P: ____ could teach you.

Glo: I don't know.

P: Well what's your degree in?

Glo: Production. I thought about doing wedding videography and even did a little freelance production, but that didn't pay my bills.

P: Wedding videography is a good field.

Glo: It's so expensive to get started. The camera I'll need is over $3,000 and I'm out of practice. My portfolio ends in 2005.

P: You could pair up with ____. Look at _____. They are doing well and ______'s business is really taking off...

And so here I am...again. Pondering what it would be like to work for myself, take the risk, eventually quit my job and solely depend on my ability to hustle and market my skills...

I think part of my problem is that I really don't trust God as I should. He's Jehovah Jirah, right? I worry about the next step and how we'll pay for Warren to go to seminary, the regret of not taking advantage of my opporunity to earn an MBA for free, never being able to afford our own home or to live comfortably and debt free.

I also worry about not being there for my children and husband. Not having and eternal focus. Becoming driven by money and position. Struggle, struggle, struggle...

I am starting to get some ducks in a row and I still plan on taking the class and GMAT prep course...That's what it is right now.


Monday, December 21, 2009

101 Things in 1,001 Days?

I got this idea from someone I've web stalked for years (yes...years). She explains the idea behind the 1,001 days here. I'm probably going to keep track of my successes and failures here. No need to start yet another blog. I barely keep up with those I already have.

What is it?: A list of things that I'm going to set out to complete in the next 1,001 days.
Why are you doing this?: To shake things up a bit and to get more into goal setting in my personal life (not just work life).
When do you start:? January 1 is the official date but life won't end if I complete one or two more things before then.

I have some of my list completed.

In no particular order:
  1. Drink water only for 40 days straight
  2. Start a business side hustle that makes at least $200/month
  3. Change my hair
  4. Lose 15 pounds or 15% of my current body fat (long story)
  5. Take a guitar or piano lesson
  6. Share some of my poetry ramblings at an open mic
  7. Go on a short term missions trip
  8. Go on a cruise
  9. Visit my grandmother alone for the weekend
  10. Learn to swim
  11. Take a dance class with Warren
  12. Slowly but surely become a pescetarian
  13. Serve during Christmas or Thanksgiving at a soup kitchen
  14. Babysit Imani for a summer
  15. Send a handwritten letter to my mother, my aunt, my grandmother and my great grandmother expressing my love and appreciation for them
  16. Learn, once and for all, how to crochet
  17. Read the entire Bible in chronological order twice
  18. In Summer 2010 or 2011, wear a dress for 7 days straight
  19. Abstain from fried food for 40 days
  20. Actively seek out a teenaged girl to disciple
  21. Actively seek out someone to disciple me (may have already found this one)
  22. Spend one month away from Facebook and all favorite blogs
  23. Advertise my loc maintenance services
  24. Exclude fried food from diet for 30 days
  25. Go on a cruise
  26. Cut up all credit cards
  27. Stop picking my fingers
  28. Write a play
  29. Attend a play
  30. Attend the Savannah Jazz Festival
  31. Have a picnic on Sweetheart Circle
  32. Go to an NBA game with Warren
  33. Take a photography class
  34. Reconnect with an old friend
  35. Support a missionary
  36. Run/Walk in a 5K
  37. See Mint Condition in concert
  38. Go ice skating
  39. Travel overseas
I'll continue to update this list as I add new things.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Weight loss and randomness.

I’ve vowed, once again, to lose weight. I hope to lose 20 lbs and/or 5 inches in the waist by the end of March. I’m currently pushing a size 10. I want to get back into my MANY pairs of size 6 slacks and jeans. No one EVER could have told me that I'd weigh 160. People TRIED to tell me, CURSE me rather. I remember some of my female relatives looking at my size 4 frame when I was about 20 or 21 with smirks on their faces. "You'll gain weight, JUST LIKE US...I was your size back in the day." CURSES! I started gaining weight about a year or so after I took this job. I distinctly remember my first trip to Express to buy a few pairs of Editors in size 8 when my regular sizes started fitting to snug. Grrr...I will beat this real.

In the mean time, weight is melting off of Warren, who in the last 2 or 3 months has gone from 250 to the mid 230s, with minimal effort. A few pick up games here and there and buddy has basically lost the weight on accident. He's joined a men's league so I'm sure his wasboard abs will be back by summer. I, on the other hand have to fight for every pound. Yeesh.

Anyway, I’ve been pretty much drinking water and eating fish, rice and veggies since the Sunday after Thanksgiving. So then, my “starting” weight was 163. I’m down to 160 and hope to be down about 5 more pounds by the end of January. I joined a gym to use the cardio machines and to take a BodyFlow class. I hope to update my progress on here but that never really goes well.

Rant over...list time.

  1. I can add my class in 2 days.
  2. Only spent about $37.00 on grocery in the past two weeks. Would have been okay had we not purchased fast food 3 or 4 times between Friday and Sunday. Phooey. Keep us on track Dave Ramsey.
  3. I’ve been told I have hypoxia (eye) do to over wearing my contacts. Guess I have to break down and buy some more glasses.
  4. Saw Brothers. Worth the look. 
  5. Going to Colorado in a week. Happy to visit but I hate cold weather.
  6. Wondering what's up with this blog for more reasons than one.
  7. About to run to the library to load up on books and inspiration for Spring training. *jiggy*
  8. Reading The Great Gatsby. So far so good. I enjoyed the CONCEPT in school, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it much more as an adult. Checked out a book of Fitzgerald short stories a few months back. WONDERFUL.
  9. Tried to make it through Waiting for Godot and became utterly bored. Won't finish it. I won't say it's overrated. I will say it's "not my cup of tea."
  10. I want to re-read Their Eyes Were Watching God in January or February. We'll see.
  11. Success Rice is the bomb.
  12. Speaking of rice, I had eggs and rice for breakfast and then eggs, rice and Treet for lunch. Talk about WOW.
  13. Pastor only preached on ONE verse this past Sunday, but boy oh boy did he preach. "If anyone has no love for the Lord, let him be accursed. Our Lord, come!" 1 Corinthians 16:22. Read 1 Corinthians 15 and all four gospels for context.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Random Happenings and Thoughts since the last post

  1. Either I'm crazy or furloughs are dope. I feel so rested and energized. Much needed.
  2. Finally bought the Financial Peace Planner to go along with the book I bought about two years ago. We're doing some things right and some things wrong. Time to get down to business.
  3. Saw my great grandmother. She looks great. What a blessing to have a grandmother who is 69 and a great grandmother who is only 85! I'm nearly 30 and my GG is still alive and in her right mind. Crazy.
  4. Bobby will be back in Afghanistan by next week. *sigh*
  5. The avoidance game is over...or maybe.
  6. Goosby is sick, which means I'll be sick by next week. The.worst.
  7. December 16 will be here before I know it. Let the journey begin.
  8. The visitor squatter is gone. *applause*
  9. Interviews continue next week...*laughcry*
  10. Love hearing from my old callers. I'm so proud of (some) them. lol...
  11. I think it's safe to say that I'm finally over HCR. Good feeling.
  12. I would pay top dollar to see Mint Condition in concert. I mean, TOP dollar.
  13. Saw Precious and New Moon. Precious=A, but brace yourself. New Moon=C, at best.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

"You do what?...."

Saying my job title in a group is always interesting. "I'm a 'Phonathon Coordinator'," I'll say. Puzzled looks and furrowed brows appear of the face of the hearers. Most times, I have to explain it in such a brief way that it fails to encompass all that I do. Simply stated, I manage student telemarketers or as some like to call them "telefundraisers." That's right, I manage a group of students who work in a field that about 99% of the U.S. population would probably agree that they hate. We call and ask people to give my alma mater money.

When asked how I got into my line of work, I always say "No one says, 'I want to be a Phonathon Coordinator' when I grow up." I earned a degree in Broadcasting in 2004. During my time as a student, I became involved in several areas on campus including housing, advisement, admissions and student media. My experience on several student staffs sparked an interest in managing student staffs and assisting in the development of a variety of leadership skills ranging from peer management to communication skills.

Shortly after graduation, my uncle asked me to describe me "dream job." My answer was simple. "I can work anywhere and I really don't mind what I do, but I want to BE IN CHARGE." I realized freelancing would not provide the financial support necessary to sustain a living and pay off college loans, so I continued to apply for jobs in higher education--all student services related.

In mid 2005, I found a job on the HR site at my alma mater for a "Phonathon Coordinator." I had no idea what a "phonathon" and was and I was completely unfamiliar with the Phonathon program there or anywhere else. The only required experience I possessed was student staff management. I applied, interviewed, and nearly 4 years later, here I am. What I've found is a thriving industry and thousands of dedicated professionals. No one says "I want to be a 'Phonathon Coordinator' when I grow up," but those who become coordinators quickly learn they've stumbled upon a career with tons of opportunities and intangible rewards.

The relationships I've built with my callers and the progress I've seen them make as fund-raisers, leaders and ambassadors for the University's mission have been amazing. Reaching goal is always a priority that I drive home with my staff but nothing beats the remarkably satisfying feeling of knowing I've impacted the college experience of individual students. To me, this is worth more than dollar goal I will ever reach.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Mo' Stuff

  1. Visited little brother and his wife this past weekend. He's home on R&R from Afghanistan.
  2. Totally in love with the Fashion Bananas blog.
  3. I need this dress.
  4. Speaking of fashion and dresses, went shopping in my aunt's closet this weekend. She has TONS of clothes and at least 100 pairs of shoes. Walked away with a new pair of black patent leather pumps, 4 pairs of slacks, 2 new dresses, 2 vests, a jean jacket, a jean suit (kinda iffy on this but it's cute) and at least 20-30 tops. She saved me at least $400-$500. Love you auntie!
  5. Haven't been home since Friday morning. Can't wait to see my dogs, sleep in my bed and cuddle up with my husband.
  6. Gearing up for Spring interviews. Excited to meet and interview new kids.
  7. Found out their offering an alternative to Intro to Java Programming that is more suited for peeps like me...Praise the Lord.
  8. Wondering if my uncle will think about our nearly 5 hour talk on God, Christianity and the gospel. We've had it several times before. I pray the Lord gives him a heart of flesh.
  9. Couldn't be more unimpressed with Make Up Forever HD Foundation...No good for oily girls with problem skin...MIGHT try the Matte Foundation.
  10. Starting to understand that SAP Cerification is a golden ticket. I've gotta have it.

    Sunday, November 1, 2009


    1. Getting "advised" on November 4!
    2. Attended an atheism vs. Christianity debate on Thursday and ended up staying out there for like 5 hours reasoning with the "Areopagites"
    3. Coming to terms with closing chapters in my life story...(more to come on this one too)
    4. Joining 180 Fitness. Took three BodyFlow classes and I'm inspired.
    5. Bought a pair of running shoes...that I actually plan on using.
    6. Seriously missing my loose hair. Chopped locs coming in 2010? Probably.
    7. Contemplating moving out of current house.
    8. Purchased a supercool vaccuum cleaner.
    9. Went to a couple's retreat at New Ebenezer. Loved it.
    10. Been getting spanked in Phase 10 for about a week now. About 8 games to 1. Horrible.
    11. Still thinking about the "God's Love Challenged and Defended" sermon preached back in September.
    12. Pondering the doctrines of vocation and motherhood.
    13. Starting to understand why Ms. Diane isn't finishing her study books as quickly as everyone else in the GED class.
    14. Remembering the joy of salvation and sharing God's truth.
    15. Haven't listened to any CR in over 2 months.
    16. Growing ever appreciative of the grace God has shown in placing me at Trinity.

    Thursday, October 15, 2009

    25 Things I've learned since I graduated from college

    1. In most cases it really doesn't matter what your undergraduate degree is.
    2. I'm way more patient than I give myself credit for.
    3. I'm an introvert with extroverted tendencies.
    4. In relationships, history counts for something...
    5. My aunts were right when I said I wouldn't be "stick thin" forever.
    6. My mother is superwoman.
    7. Always keep it moving.
    8. God's mercy endures forever.
    9. Some days, no matter how much I try, I just don't care.
    10. Managing 18-23 year olds can be the same as babysitting 10-14 year olds on some days.
    11. I can hear, very, very, very well.
    12. MAC Studio Fix Foundation really isn't all that.
    13. I'm a total style misfit who is totally in love with style (WNTW, take me away!)
    14. Real friends are hard to find.
    15. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
    16. It's okay to eat spinach and's really not that bad
    17. People are funny.
    18. Dogs really are man's best friend.
    19. Facts don't always matter.
    20. Tomorrow is another day.
    21. Objective truth exists.
    22. Talk radio is amazing.
    23. Cable is overrated.
    24. Love isn't "butterflies in your tummy."
    25. Being a SAHM isn't such a bad gig.

    Tuesday, October 13, 2009

    New experience

    A friend told me about a new volunteering opportunity. I was both excited and leery when I agreed to help out. I didn't know what to expect and the idea of waking up before sunrise gave me the prickly feeling I get on my skin when I regret committing to something.

    I arrived a bit early and waited for others to show up. By the time 8am rolled around, I was alone with a woman who was about twice my age. She was extremely helpful and pointed me to some workbooks. Turns out that her name is Diane and that she would be my partner for the day. As other volunteers arrived, Ms. Diane explained the class break down. There are two classes, one for the fast learners and one for the slow learners. She explained with a smile that she was one of the "slow" learners. I wish I could have thought of a way to flip that comment into a positive. I'm not sure what events took place in her life that prevented, discouraged or caused her to make the decision to leave school before graduating. Maybe I will learn that when getting to know her through this program. Something about her tone and the nervous smile on her face made me uncomfortable. I hope I'm able to help her and that I never say or do anything that makes her feel inferior. I feel blessed to be able to help...

    More to come.

    Tuesday, October 6, 2009


    Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a huge fan of natural, "highly textured" hair and hair care. Thought I'd throw a taste of this on the blog.

    Back to School

    Finally met with an advisor in COBA and the director of the MBA program! I have a plan and I'm ready to go. I have decided for now that I'm going to pursue an MBA with an Information Systems emphasis. I'm applying for school today. I've been advised to take Intro to JAVA in the Spring while taking a GMAT prep course. The intro class will let me know if I need to do the general MBA or the MBA with an emphasis. WOOO HOOOOO!

    Tuesday, September 22, 2009

    Gloria and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

    Those who read this book as a child will understand the title.

    I had to get up way earlier than usual this morning because I had an appointment at 10 a.m. I scheduled it about 2 weeks ago and was excited because it was with an advisor and the new director of the MBA program. I usually don't get up for the day at around 11:00-11:30 a.m. I fretted over what to wear because much of what I own no longer fits. I chose the army green slacks and a black cardigan with an a black tank top underneath. It's become a regular standby in my dwindling wardrobe.

    I leave the house at 9:30 a.m. because I know traffic and parking near campus are the worst. My faculty/staff pass would only get me so far. I decided against trying to find a spot right next to the building and opted to try a different lot about 400 meters from the my destination. I end up having to park further away than I anticipated and had to hike across grass, pavers, hills and a street to COBA.

    I walk in the building. At first I'm a bit leary because I only vaguely remember how to get to the Student Services Center. My steps were so loud that had I been a student in one of the classes I was passing, I would have sworn someone was marching outside in the halls. I walk a bit and feel as if I'm lost. Someone passes me and I smile a bit to try to avoid that "I'm lost" look. A few more steps and my surrounding are a bit more familiar. I turn a corner and walk into the SSC.

    A black girl in a hot pink shirt is sitting patiently at table. At the adjacent table, a chipper blond is having a conversation with a shy guy in a gray athletic shirt. Behind the desk, I see a women with a cloud of graying, blond hair busily working at her computer. Completely confused about what I'm to do next, I take a seat at table in front of chipper blond and shy guy. I see a dispenser with a sign that says "Please take a number," and make an attempt to casually look around at the others. None of them appeared to have a number, so impatiently I take out my cell phone.

    "Good morning. University Advancement. How can I help you?"
    "Tosh. Hey. This is Glor..."

    I pause. A women with glasses walks to the front. "I can help the next person."

    Chipper blond explains that shy guy is the next person. I wait for her to pause and then interject.

    "Tosh. Let me call you back...." then, "I have a 10 a.m. with B____ W_____."

    With no pause or thought at all, glasses tells me that B___W____ is out sick and that I'll have to get back on the scheduler and make another appointment.

    I hop up and walk to the counter.

    "You'll have to explain what you mean by 'scheduler'. I made the appointment with her directly so I have no idea how to go about doing what you just said."

    As I was speaking, she stared at me, expressionless, and then she said, "Are you a first semester freshman?"

    What would have been a compliment on any other day at any other time was at that moment a biting insult.

    "Um. No. I work here. I'm meeting with her to discuss TAP and graduate school options." I almost regret my tone, now but at the time I meant every bit of it.

    She jots down a number for me to call and reschedule. I leave defeated. My eyes begin to warm with tears as I trudge back out of the building. I take my cell phone out again. This time to call B____W____'s line.

    "Hi. This Gloria G_____. I'm sorry to hear about your illness. Please call me back when you're well because I'm really interested in discussing my options soon. My office number is _____. My cell number is _____. Thanks.."

    I make another call to Tosh to explain the injustice. She encourages me. Reassures me. Tells me all will be okay. will. The excitement of actually getting advised was so huge that not being able to discuss it at all was disheartening. I stop at Sonic to drown my sorrows in bacon, cheese and eggs on texas toast.

    When I get home I take a nap. Off to campus again at 12:30 p.m. but this time to go to work. I'm still bent over the morning's troubles, but then realize that the afternoon will bring enough of their own and resolve to get over it. I'm just now realizing how right I was about trouble in the afternoon.

    Everything is set and I'm ready to go about the business of working. I check my e-mail. B____ W_____ has e-mailed me to apologize and reschedule. I tackle a few issues. One in particular takes about 2-3 hours and ends in no resolution at all. It's finally time to get the stations ready for shift.

    I test a new headset, fresh off the mail truck and out of the wrapper. It doesn't work. I plug the old headset and amp into the dialer and realize I can't hear a thing through the headset. Probably an amp issue. I skip to the hallway storage closet to get soem batteries. In the room, the new batteries don't do a thing for the problem. I test a few amps, move to different stations, restart computers, reboot dialers and switch out cords. My stomach begins to turn and a lump grows in my throat. 6 of the 8 stations are having sound issues.

    I see a shift manager walk by the window. I realize shift is just 20 minutes away. I call my supervisor and explain the situation. End result. Shift has to be canceled. Money is lost for the evening. So here I sit typing. Completely peeved and sure that nothing will cheer me up. This was a terrible, no good, very bad day. I guess I was due for one.

    Thursday, September 17, 2009

    I Geek the Library

    So, I kept seeing "I Geek..." billboards and web ads and finally decided to google "I Geek" to figure out what it was all about. In visiting the site, I figured out that it's a campaign to raise support for public libraries. I only viewed the site for about 3 minutes but in this time I remembered something I'd forgotten over the past few years. I LOVE reading novels.

    I moved to Savannah, GA in the fall of my senior year of college to complete my internship responsibilities. My apartment was a block away from my two favorite places at the time---Zaxby's and the mall. I didn't have internet access in the apartment so I visited the library several times a week to use the internet services there.

    There was no cable in the apartment so my free time was spent sleeping, reading my Bible and watching Good Times on DVD. My roommate and I had decided, quite spontaneously, to move to Savannah together because she'd be accepted to graduate school and we both wanted to avoid the hour commute. Although we'd been hall mates and co workers for our entire college career, the relationship had never quite extended beyond the realm of "associate," and I had no illusions that this would change just because we were splitting rent and utilities. I definitely didn't want to depend on our relationship as a way to quench the boredom associated with my Friday and Saturday evenings. I decided after the first few trips to use the internet that I would get a library card so I could read in my free time.

    Time passed, I completed my intership, I walked across the stage and I landed my first job. For a reason that will probably be blogged about at a later date, I abandoned the library and fiction writing. The only time I'd retreat to fiction was to revisit old friends like 1984, Native Son or the Invisible Man that I already owned. The only time I'd go to the libary is if I couldn't find a book of interest at the Barnes and Noble in Oglethorpe Mall. Months would pass between my fiction reading. I traded in Ellison, Wright and Chopin for Augustine, Sproul and Bahnsen. My desire to read Black Boy and short stories by Hurston were replaced with a desire to read Matthew Henry's commentaries or Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest.

    Last week, for the first time in 3 years, due in part to the I Geek campaign, visited the library. I didn't check out a book about religion or politics, management or sales. I decided that I would only get fiction. By the time I finished, I had 6 friends to take home and explore. The first book I chose to read was Sarah's Psalm. I found the book as I was searching for another book. I liked the cover, so I thought I'd like the story. I'm only a few pages from finishing the book and realize that had it not been for my fiction hiatus, I would be drawn to adopt some of the views that are championed in the story. The Lord has used all my reading about Christian theology to challenge me and my understanding of Him through his word. Afterall, whenever I didn't understand or agree with something I was reading ABOUT the Bible, I'd search the Bible. Whenever I needed clarity regarded a passage in the Bible, I'd consult a commentary. 

    I appreciate the I Geek campaign for reminding me about my love for reading fiction. Good novels had kept me company for years and I hung them out to dry...but only for a time. There is nothing wrong with reading a little fiction as long as there is balance. I'm going to go ahead end this abruptly as I know I've gone on TOO long. Now go check out some books...

    Saturday, September 12, 2009

    Cluttered mind

    I've been struggling with what I should discuss ever since I decided to get back into blogging. My mind is literally full of ideas. "Cluttered" is actually a better word. Should I discuss my thoughts about the latest sermon preached at my church, my views on the hooplah that surrounded the speech President Obama delivered to students this past Tuesday, my views about the latest Tyler Perry movie, hair care, relationships, Chris Rock's upcoming movie about the black hair care industry, or the latest drama on HCR ?

    I'm really stuck.

    I guess I can begin with the Chris Rock movie. Although the politics of black hair, has been documented both on film, in articles and books, Rock's fame and ability to get a major distributor will bring a new audience into the discussion. His inspiration for making this movie was his 2 year old daughter's struggle with her own hair texture. Imagine a 2 year old child, in tears, because she doesn't have "good hair." Sad in so many ways. It lands in theaters this October and I plan to see it on opening night.

    I've been wearing my hair natural, and by "natural," I mean "chemical free," since late 2002. It was a no brainer to me. The process of getting my hair "relaxed" had always been cumbersome and beauty salons were unbearable.

    I would see women with fades, TWAs, puffs, locs and twists and stare at them in awe, wishing I was "brave" enough to join them in their journey. I'd make excuses about why I couldn't "go natural." I mean, THEY could do it because they had a pretty face or high cheek bones or *gasp* wavy "good" hair. I, on the other hand, had a big face and strong features. Add that to the concerns that men wouldn't find me attractive, my hair is "bad," people would think I'm unprofessional or that someone might mistake me for a man and my anxiety only increased.

    Finally after about 2 years of unneccesary agonizing, I subjected myself to my last "hit" in August 2002. I'd planned to wear my hair under braids for 6 months to alow my hair to grow out and then cut off the processed ends. My plans were foiled when I, in a fit of frustration, took a pair of old scissors to my hair late one evening at the end of September. I went to bed with a feeling of triumph. After looking in the mirror the next morning, triumph faded into grief. What had I done!!! After I got used to my new look (and after a hair trim given to me by my very talented aunt), I embraced my nappiness with exuberance.

    I must admit that my "joy" turned to into "militancy" in my early days in napdom. I'd rove the countryside sharing the nappy "gospel" to all who would listen. I'd pout and read the horrors stories at Nappturality about insensitive co-workers, relatives and spouses. "They just don't understand the struggle"  or "they're just brainwashed" were the typical responses to those who dared to allow their eyes to glance at our 'fros too long or to ask questions about our cottony crowns. We'd turn our noses up at the receeding hair lines and "see through" hair of some of our relaxed sisters. We'd share ideas about hairstyles. We'd share homemade pomade and cream recipes. We'd laugh and some days we'd cry. We all shared the same inner feeling of freedom mixed with fear. It all seems rather melodramatic to someone who isn't in the know or even someone like myself who's far removed from my experience as a new nap. I even find MYSELF murmuring "it's only hair." Ha...yes, it is "only hair" but then again, it's not "only hair." When a woman's entire esteem and positive self perception is rooted in the appearance of her hair, it's NOT just hair. When I remember this, I scold myself for being so impatient with someone who's just BC'd for the first time, knowing that each public appearance is an exercise of courage. Shouts out to my new sisters trying to make it through their first year, chem free.

    Here I am, older, wiser and 7 years into the game. I don't expect for every black woman to agree with me in my sentiments that wearing our hair chemical free is the most healthy option but I'm glad I didn't continue to allow the possible perceptions of others to keep me in an unhealthy place.

    Wednesday, September 9, 2009

    Ramble like it's 9/9/09

    1. So it's 9/9/09. Next year we'll have 10/10/10 and the year after that 11/11/11. Finally, we'll have 12/12/12. The next time this happens, my body will be long dead and my soul will be with the Lord.
    2. People are funny.
    3. I love my husband more than I did on July 12, 2008. I didn't know I could love him this much.
    4. I finally called about advisement today. I've decided to do postbacc to do the pre-reqs for my MACC or MBA. Big step. Semi-scary. Likelihood of using said degree in the corporate world? Slim. It IS a life goal though. I'm a firm believer in working towards accomplishing life goals. If the sun shines and the creek don't rise, I'll be back in school in the Spring. I finished my undergraduate degree 5 years ago. Lord help me!
    5. I'm completely worn out from today's training session. Talking for 3 hours straight is tiring.
    6. Dr. Rice visited my alma mater last night and I was fortunate enough to attend. She is awesome. Sounds trite, but seriously, she is awesome. QUITE a woman.
    7. I can see the floor of our bedroom. We'll see how long that lasts.
    8. I love my Pandora Radio Station. It's perfect.
    9. My pastor preached on Malachi 1:1-10 and the Lord pierced my heart. Help me understand your love for me Lord!
    10. I'm totally over my MAC SFF. Time to finally try MUFE HDF.
    I ate:
    Apple slices, low fat graham crackers, Coke Zero, Salisbury steak and potatoes, low fat granola with chocolate chunks


    Okay, so I have a lot of options with this thing. It's definitely a work in progress. I'm still trying to figure out how everything works over here.

    The "first post"

    How many blogs have I loved and left? I think I’ve broken up with at least 7. Many names and locations I don’t remember. The last was Myspace. We were good while we lasted. Our relationship lasted nearly 3 years. It was an on again off again affair, of course. I scrawled little notes here and there as I was inspired. It pretty much ended when I decided Facebook was a better social networking site. It's much more sleek and easy to navigate. It’s been at least 6 months since we’ve spoken. I think I’ll lay my hat here at blogger for a while (again). Hoping it works out.