For my mother

She came to the bus stop wearing a PT uniform. Her eyes were puffy. She'd very obviously been crying. My face and chest grew warm from embarrassment as I looked around at the other kids. I heard the loud engine of the bus and noticed it was just up the road.

"Are you hungry?" She asked.
"I ate breakfast already."
"I took back my deodorant so I could buy you this."

Embarrassment turned to anger. Why was she doing this? I snatched the Burger King bag and stabbed dangers at her through narrowed eyes. I watched her drive away through the back of a dirty bus window and ate tried to eat the sausage biscuit. I had gotten cold. Between the lump in my throat and the dryness of the hardened biscuit, it was hard to swallow. I was 14.

I'd moved in with my mother two years prior. She was fresh from a tour in Germany and I was fresh from nine years of living her sister's family. We were two people, practically strangers living in a house together, trying to make it work. She was a woman taking on full time motherhood, a pursuit she'd only tackled for the first 3 years of my life. I was a child taking on full time daughterhood. Something I'd never had to consciously try.

I didn't know much about her. She was a mystery to me. This isn't because she never called or wrote. She'd send me gifts and money. My heart would jump at the thought of speaking with her on the phone. My visit to Germany to see her and my father for my tenth birthday, is to this day, one of the best birthdays I ever had. She'd always been the cool one. The one who'd traveled. Lived life. I wanted her to like me so much. I wanted her to be proud.

There were so many "black spots" in her past that I knew nothing about. Although I'd grow to forgive what I thought was totally unfounded treatment of me during my teen years, I still didn't understand it. Why the tight hold, disallowing me to go to sleepovers or hang out after football games? Why was she so frustrated? Why did I make her so angry? Why? Why? Why?

I have to say that honestly, up until about a week ago, my mother's motives were still somewhat of a mystery to me. She shared information with me that unlocked a world of understanding and with it, I've grown to appreciate her even more. Without realizing it, she'd answered all my "whys"? I'd often wonder why she left me with her sister instead of getting out of the Army and taking care of me. She inadvertently told me the answer---to avoid welfare in Marion, SC. I can't even begin to explain how different my life would have been had she chosen the welfare route.

I'd often wonder why she was so strict about me hanging out. Again, she shared the answer without knowing there was a question---to prevent the naysayers from being right about me being a teenage mother. Her being a single parent and me being a latchkey kid, I was a statistic waiting to happen. I'd often wonder why she worked jobs with crazy hours after she retired....to provide adequate support for us. The hours, horrible as they were, gave her a paycheck and kept the bills paid.

I finally understood the bus stop incident after our conversation. Thirteen years later, it made perfect sense. She was struggling with trying to prove to herself and others that she could raise me and provide for me, even if she had to do it all alone.Nearly everything she's done in her life since I was born has been done for me, her only child, her dearest love....She did it to prove everyone wrong. I WOULD do well in school. I WOULD graduate from college. She did it to prove something to herself. She COULD be a good mother. She COULD provide for the two of us. We WOULD make it.

I remember her always saying to me near the end of our many arguments, "We're a team, Tynika." I didn't get it then but I get it now. I finally understand what she was doing the entire time. The self sacrifice required to do what she did as a single mother is something I really can't comprehend.

"I saw a picture of you from the wedding," she said, "The one with the garter. You had this smile on your face. You looked the happiest I'd ever seen you look in my life. That's when I knew I'd done my job. When Just Fine came on at the reception, I just had to dance with my son (in law) because I did just fine. We did just fine."

Perspective is amazing and hindsight is 20/20.

So...to my mother:
Thank you for the sacrifices you made in your life for my sake. You did the best you could and best you knew how. It turns out that your best was all in all, pretty great. It took me some time but I get it now. I love you. I am proud to have you as my mother.

Seis de Mayo!

So…what’s been on Glo’s mind lately…well…a lot…much of it unrelated…I feel a ramble coming on.

1. Goos and I are thinking about getting an open mic off the ground for the summer. We’ll see how this goes. There really is nothing to “do” in my current town aside from going to the movies, dinner parties or game nights if you’re not into clubbing or bar hopping. We’d like to change that. At least for the summer. haha.
2. Working 8am-5pm right now. It’s a welcomed change of pace. Going back to regular schedule in about 2 weeks.
3. I was in my office thinking about people my age with children…I can’t even imagine Goos and I as parents. It’s really weird even thinking about it. I want kids but wow…how would it work? Guess we’d make it work like everyone else.
4. I love this chick's locs. Her hair is SO thick. Tried to listen to her music…Didn’t like it as much. Well…at all. Shouts to Holistic Locs for introducing me to her. Don't think I'd ever freeform or go the holistic route BUT I can still appreciate her beauty.
5. I feel like I need a “Swagger Wagon” after watching this. #dontjudgeme
6. Why do I feel the need to read more than one book at a time? Still reading Shadow Rising but I’m not satisfied. Talked to J.Nicole about reading Working While Black…we’ll see. Saw it in Books-A-Million the other day.
7. Speaking of books, I’m working through the gospel of Mark with hubby.
8. Speaking of the Bible, PB is finishing up Numbers. We’ve been in Numbers since 2008. I laugh as I type that because it seems so long. There was a 16 week break while he was on sabbatical but either way, he’s thorough as all get out. I’m glad he takes preaching line by line so seriously. Some pastors don’t....and who knew there was so much gospel in the book of Numbers, anyway? I know I didn't.
9. Found ExitChurchianity a few days ago. My only gripe with the whole “I hate the Institutional Church” crowd is what I saw here at EC. The blanket statements about the so-called “institutional church” sound more like gripes against a particular denomination. I know there are churches who engage in the behaviors the blogger discusses but, I think s/he has thrown the baby out with the bathwater. Realized that this blog is probably FaithandReason's site.
10. Cinco De Mayo at the Carroll's last night. Japanese food and cheap wine. Didn't eat Mexican vittles but did enjoy good conversation.
11. Iron Man 2 tomorrow! Woop!

One day I'll actually do a real blog post but right now...ramble, ramble, ramble

1. I should be blogging about something else but I'm not.
2. Sometime things are just so ridiculous that there's nothing to say...you're just left speechless....
3. What comes around, goes around.
4. "Ask" not "axe."
5. Very cool video talking about the effects of pH levels on hair. She's informative but also a bit snappy.
6. Speaking of pH levels, did you know the pH of the skin is slightly acidic? Weirdly cool.
7. Also, I found out my face soap is too alkaline/basic...whatever...
8. Okay so...you're making me go to SixFlags. You inform me that I have to pay for my own ticket. AND I have to drive my own car...4 hours...with other people's kids in my backseat. What part of the game is this? This is a real question. At least I love rollercoasters.
9. Blah blah blah...blah blah blah blah...
10. So let me tell you how the Lord is schooling Goos and I...well, actually I can't discuss it fully because we're still working through it but...Let's just say patience and humility are being worked in us and we are being put through the fire. According to the word, we'll come out as pure gold. Amen and Amen.
11. Been looking over old sermon notes about envy, forgiveness and competition.
12. Speaking of envy...E.Rich cut all her hair off. Yaaaaaaaaaaassssss. Sexy baby! 
13. What's wrong with Atlanta, man? C'mon Hawks...c'mon...
14. Tim McGraw is performing tonight at Paulson...woop woop. Not a fan but it's still pretty cool.
15. *poof*

We're all "homos"--- "homosapiens..."

1. Note: Living in the same home with and providing financial support for your children is not the same thing as "being there for them." Occupying the same space/home while checking out mentally doesn't count.
2. I don't give brownie points. Okay...maybe sometimes.
3. I've been staying away from FB...sorta...brother and old student sent me messages so I responded...besides that. Nothing much. Why do I feel free? haha
4. Water only thing isn't working. Just finished drinking a Coke. How did I do it the first time?
5. Can't believe my 10 year high school reunion is around the corner. Where does the time go?
6. Speaking of my class reunion, reconnected/reconciled with an old friend. Boy were we wreckless in high school! Ain't gonna lie though...I had fun. Don't judge me.
7. So J. Nicole says she's coming to visit...has hell frozen over? *hehehe*
8. Speaking of J.Nicole...*flips hair* *does step* *clears throat*
9. Random, but this year we had Easter Dinner with the Grays...pizza...the first time in my LIFE that I haven't had a huge, "special" dinner on Easter Day. Felt good and weird at the same time but I'm oh so thankful for the fellowship.
10. "And things of this nature..." and "Be that as it may..."

Why Did I Get Married Too? Movie Review

Okay...anyone who knows me, knows my issues with Tyler Perry movies and plays. To sum it up, he doesn't respect his fanbase. Maybe one day I will go through all the ways he's made this evident in both his plays and movies but, today is not that day.

I know some will say, "Glo, it doesn't matter what you think. You're still lining his pockets by seeing these movies." My response: Yeah...you're right. I'm usually dragged to see these mediocre "movies" by relatives during family gatherings. There are the other occasions when I've been at someone's house and a TP movie was popped in for entertainment. The Why Did I Get Married movies are the only movies I viewed voluntarily.

Many people understand that his movies really aren't all that great. Why do poeple continue to support him? Well....He's a major Hollywood player because he did an excellent job building his fanbase and perfecting his brand BEFORE he even began making movies. I can't knock his hustle in this area--he's a marketing genius. Another factor we must not ignore is his casting and plots. Where else can you see an all black casts from all walks of life. Poor, rich, married, single...Answer...nowhere. Tyler Perry is the man in the black community. People will continue to support him no matter what he puts out. People like his personal story. He truly went from rags to riches by putting in MAJOR work.

So..to the point.

How is Why Did I Get Married Too? wack? Let me count the ways.

1.  TP continues to struggle with the difference between directing films and plays. This is evident with some of the shot selections and dialogue (VERY evident when all the couples are arriving at the beach house).
2. Bad acting throughout. Louis Gossett's accent...Kids in the beginning of the movie...Michael Jai White...
3. "Angela" is funny in some ways and NOT funny in others. Some of her behavior is so over the top that it's unbelievable. For example, "Marcus" would have been fired after that stunt she pulled on his job.
4. The husbands talking on the beach was discouraging. I mean...all the complaining about the wives was too much.
5. I NEVER need to see Tyler Perry without a shirt on. Bad idea jeans...
6. Why did we borrow a sub-plot from Soul Food again?
7. Cicely Tyson's lace front
8. Bad keying/green screening (fireworks scene)
9. The last scene with "Patty", "Gavin" and the queen in a cake. I was so confused over this...
10. "Patty" going beserk over $800,000. I mean...you still get to keep $400,000. And YES, he does deserve half.
11. What was wrong with "Gavin" and "Patty" anyway? Why are we NEVER told.
12. The last 5 minutes...

Overall, I give it a "D." Get it from Redbox or soem other DVD vending machine when it comes out on video. Don't keep allowing TP to churn out these super crappy movies. I know he's employing people who would otherwise starve (Malik Yoba) BUT make him give you a quality product. It's not the absolute worst movie I've ever seen. Stuart Saves His Family won that award many years ago. It has its okay moments. I just can't stand to give it over a D because it just seems like he's not even trying at this point. I guess I can't blame him though...

Yahoo reviewer, Jason Barrett puts it the best, saying:

How long is Tyler Perry going to do this? I know that he has a legion of loyal followers that anticipate what he is going to put out next. But this is one example of how the anticipation of a product is actually better than the product itself.

Why Did I Get Married Too was all over the place. The storyline was grossly undeveloped, the acting was uninspired with Jill Scott and Tasha Smith as exceptions, the main characters were presented like caricatures of real people. The dynamic that existed between Patricia and Gavin was laughable. People in the theater were laughing at moments that should have been riveting.

Tyler Perry creates scenarios and then he decides that he doesn't need to explore them, it feels like he ties up loose ends just to finish the script. Also, he is the king of bad endings. How many Tyler Perry movies have you seen that ended horribly? The ending to this movie is no exception. I sat there watching Why Did I Get Married Too feeling duped, like how long does he think that he can get away with doing the same kind of movie over and over again? I respect Tyler Perry's creative talent, but I think he needs to study his craft a little more, because pretty soon the bottom is gonna fall out. This movie was disappointing.

 Smh...

dot dot dot

1. Watched Two Towers and Return of the King this week. Legalos was a beast. Samwise was a goon.
2. Two of my callers told me I am a good boss. It meant a lot...
3. Speaking of callers, my oldest caller lost her mother on Tuesday morning. Cancer. I cried.
4. Read an old journal/diary of mine from late 2004 to late 2005 on Tuesday before work. I was SO depressed...but my goodness SO poetic. I have a few pieces scrawled here and there in the book and they are kinda great. Why are people on the verge of jumping off a bridge so talented? LOL...weird. Haven't written anything that good in years.
5. Ms. Betty, Ms. Juanita and Ms. Desiree cooked tonight. Yum! It's Mr. Leroy's 50th birthday.
6. I'm black, y'all, cause I'm black y'all...I'm bliggity black and I'm black y'all...Prefer it over "African-American."
7. Life is about choices. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every...well...you get it.
8. Warren had to explain Sho's album is called Lions and Liars...smh.
9. Speaking of Sho's album, I think he was totally able to accomplish what T.R.U.T.H. tried to accomplish (show growth lyrically and take a different direction production wise) with The Big Picture...only he succeeded.
10. Speaking of Warren, his spring break is nearly over. *sadboobooface*
11. New laptop. Thanks mom :-)
12. I.T.W.N.O.I.
13. Speaking of that track, why is T.Dot so good as a featured artist on other people's albums (...I keep it 100/Ben Frank (frank) on that...) *raised eyebrow*
14. "I hear so many Christians murmuring about their imperfections and their failures and their addictions and their shortcomings...and I see so little war....murmur, murmur, murmur, Why am I this way?...MAKE WAR!"-John Piper
15. # 14 doesn't count as getting on YT. It's just a copied link...I MIGHT have listened to a little bit to make sure it was the right piece of audio...*shrugs* Don't judge me, man... ;-)

Caffeine is a drug plus digression

I'm supposed to be doing "water only" again this month and have already fallen off the wagon. I had at least 3 Cokes and a grande caramel frappe on from Friday to Saturday. I arrived at work and the coffee in the kitchen was calling my name but I overcame the urge. My head has been hurting since noon. I finally typed "caffeine" in Google search and little helper thingy gave me several entries for caffeine, including "caffeine withdrawal". I click on it and read the short article and comments. Can you figure out the major symptom? Crazy headaches....*sigh*. I didn't realize my headaches from the first "water only" go round in January were due to withdrawal symptoms. I can't believe my body literally NEEDS a Coke.  

1. This weekend was dope. Fun hanging out with mom and Shantel. Saw the Ohio Players, Mint Condition, Cameo and Charlie Wilson. I'm now sold on live bands...and Stokely Williams is a beast.  "See Mint Condition in concert." CHECK!
2. Live it. Love it. J.Nicole.
3. I've decided against blogging on the P4CM shirts. Content with being united in the essentials.
4. Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door on Friday. I was excited they finally visited (Kingdom Hall is 5 minutes from my house). The discussion began fine but then one of the women got upset with me and decided to end the visit. I was really surprised because I can honestly say that I was VERY respectful (NICE even). *sad*
5. It's so funny to see people go through the "cage stage," especially folks who weren't buying it in the past.
6. Doing well staying away from the message boards.
7. Spent all day at the Gray's yesterday. Home away from home.
8. Lions and Liars=dope. Favorites so far are Me, Myself and I, Revolutionary Died and Oh Well. His first album was about 2-2.5 stars out of 5. I'd give this one a 4. The We Can Be More song and video have major crossover appeal.
9. Finally going to start Strange Fruit this week. Borrowed it from the library in December.
10. Do not spend your money on a ticket for Clash of the Titans. Supreme let down. We went to the midnight viewing on Thursday/Friday. BOOOOOO!
11. Speaking of movies, finally watched Stomp the Yard last night. No comment.
12. We're still talking about moview, right? Repo Men was...hmmm....worth RENTING. See it during matinee hours if you have to see it in theaters. Cool twist, but there was no chemistry between Forrest Whitaker and Jude Law. Forrest tried but I wasn't convinced.
13. Go Butler! Boooo Duke!

Before going into the concert venue. This is a picture of a picture....haha

Love!