1/25/2010 Ramble

1. I've lost a total of 7lbs since Thanksgiving. Jig!
2. I'm on day 25 of my water only thing aka (#1). When I wake up on February 10th I'm going to have a cup of Coke chased with a strong cup of coffee.
3. Learned a cool recipe from Peaches. It's really not a recipe actually. Just cut a squash in half, place halves in a glass dish, add a little water and bake at 350. Pull the seeds out and then take a spoon and pull out the meat. Looks just like angel hair spaghetti! I found some pics online. Go here! Can't wait to try this on my own.
4. After a 1 day crisis, we feel comfortable with moving ahead with the home search.
5. In 101Things news, Warren, mommy and I are going to see Mint Condition in concert on April 3! My only regret is that I'll have to listen to other acts. Ehhh well.

They aren't the same thing...

I'm getting "the itch." It has happened with every blog I've ever started. My posts become rushed...incoherent.. I didn't think it would happen with this one so quickly although I'm sure my lack of internet connection (and computer) at home are the culprits. I've thought of several topics I'd like to discuss, but they come to me at the most random times--at church, after the pastor makes a point in the sermon, at night, when I'm staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep...again, on the way to work in my car when I see someone walking along the sidewalk.

Ehhh...something that's been weighing on me quite heavily is justification vs. sanctification. I've been burdened by my past responses to brothers and sisters in the faith that I deemed "lost" due to behaviors I observed that didn't fit my "Christian behavior list." Funny coming from an ocassional drinker, who wears pants, sits in corporate worship without a head covering, who is in constant crisis regarding the ministry of motherhood---all behaviors and/or viewpoints that would cause some in certain Christian circles to question my faith in Christ.

I can remember an encounter I had with a young woman this past fall. For some reason, I was unable to sleep a few days ago and my interaction with this woman came to my mind. Our discussion ended with her yelling "f&@# you" at least three times before storming away. At the time, I was sure that the gospel of Jesus Christ had offended her and that I'd done nothing wrong. As I stared at my wall, replaying the conversation in my mind, I became increasingly convinced it was not the gospel that had offended, but rather my approach. She professed Christ, but did confess to several behaviors that she acknowledged as sinful, but was willing to continue in them, due to Christ's death.

There was a point in our conversation that has echoed has (truthfully) come to my mind several times since that night. Trying to lead her into another area of scripture, I asked her, "How do you know you're a Christian, if you're still doing (x,y,z)?" She quickly shot back, "How do YOU know you're a Christian?!" I was admittedly taken aback, and honestly to this day, am not comfortable with my answer, which was wrought with my works, (out of love and obedience to Christ), but my works nonetheless. I had described my sanctification, not my justification. Now while it can be argued that one will be sanctified if one is justified (and I totally agree, faith without works is dead), I'm JUSTIFIED (i.e. a Christian), by faith in Christ alone.

So...there is a point here. Rather than questioning the young lady's justification, it would have more gracious to pray with her (which I am sure she would have been receptive to), show her the scriptures (which she seemed to have some respect for), and treat her lovingly like a sister in Christ. She revealed, immediately before cursing me out, that she'd been sexually assaulted about 2 months prior. I'm sure that the assualt impacted her emotionally and spiritually, as well as physically. I was too busy "contending for the faith." Had I slowed down, I might have won back a sister through reminding her about the love of Christ for his sheep. Instead, my combative approach (Thanks WretchedRadio) offended her. I deeply regret how our conversation ended, but our meeting was by chance (not really, but yeah) and I wouldn't even recognize her today if she walked right up to me.

This is not a call to end or avoid evangelism due to the fear of offending someone. I'm saying, share the gospel and contend for the faith often, but do it biblically. I'm also saying, whenever you start measuring someone who professes Christ by the amount of sin in their life, look at the amount of sin your own life and repent, THEN pray for that brother or sister and go to him or her with loving rebuke. Let Christ pull the weeds, lest you root up the wheat along with them.

Painful lesson, but one learned.

1/12/2010 Ramble, Ramble, Ramble

1. Can you believe I'm dropping my class and taking the GMAT prep course after all that back and forth with the advisor?
2. He's Like a Star.
3. Reminiscing can be fun and dangerous.
4. Isaiah 55 is dope. Read it, read it NOW.
5. I'm back in love with my MAC SFF. Absence made my heart grow fonder...
6. Tried Juice Beauty. Hated it. May have worked for her but my skin wasn't impressed.
7. An old friend called me. It had been so long since we talked that I was basically talking to a stranger. Life right?
8. I've lost 4 pounds...ha! Take that, take that, take that...
9. "Slowly, surely, I walk away from ....."
10. Wal Mart is now charging 74 cents for the 1.74 oz bag of peanut M&Ms...and injustice is being done here...
11. Why are they remaking Nightmare on Elm Street and A-Team? I mean...this is a real question.
12. Some people are SO gifted when it comes to making music and singing that it blows me away. Could just lounge and listen to them all day.
13. Obama may not speak with Negro dialect, but I do. I'm fluent in "yessuh" and "shawty", so yeah...
14. I had such high hopes for Michael Steele...*sigh*

I'm so done. You'll never get that 3 minutes back.

Brain Dump

So many things to say, related, yet unrelated.

To begin, we found a house that we are very interested in buying. I never mentioned that we were looking because I'm secretive like that. *ha* Our current lease does not end until July 22 but we'd like to find someone to sublease the house so we can move forward with an offer.

Stepping back into a classroom for the first time in five years on Tuesday. I think, for the time being, that it's a good idea to proceed with classes. Standing still and pulling my hair out about the future will do nothing more than leave me in the same place with a pile of locs at my feet. Gotta move forward. Been standing still long enough. I spent about 40 minutes planning three different educational routes for myself in case something happens (like another bout of indecisiveness). I have my class schedule planned out through next summer....Destination--MBA.

Warren and I met a friend on Friday night to discuss future ministry plans. I was super encouraged after speaking with him. We parted ways and walked out to our car and I literally felt refreshed. We discussed our friend's goals to get a cross cultural church plant started in the metro Atlanta area. Can't get into too many details, but I was elated to hear the way the Lord is clearing a path for this thing to get off the ground.

Working on a few things from my list of 101 things. For 11 days, I've abstained from all my favorite drinks. No Coca Cola, no coffee. Just water...That knocks out #1. I begin my "no fried foods" on February 1. I'm also working on my "side hustle." Began a set of locs on Saturday. I really want to work on my technique for starting locs. Too much of a perfectionist. Took 7 hours to complete her hair. The parts are perfect and aside from one or two edge locs, they are all the same exact size. We scheduled her next appointment for the first weekend in February. I'm determined to get her touch up down to 2.5 hours (totally doable). That's three things in the works...

Trying to see if I can get volunteering back on the schedule this spring. I was working with a GED prep program in the fall, but I don't want to overwhelm myself with work, school, home life, etc. Noon prayer (group) is back for Wednesday afternoons. Never should have been out. Ahhh...I'm done.

101 Things: #1 and #2

It's January 2! I can't believe it's 2010 already. "My world it moves so fast today, the past it seems so far away..." Life is but a vapor.


I'm working on #1 and #2 from my list of 101 things. Drink water only for 40 days straight and start a side hustle that brings in at least $200.00/month.

Day 2 of water only has been more difficult than I thought it would be. I can't believe that I did it for 3 weeks in December with ease. I have confidence that I'll be able to complete it and knock it off my list.

As it stands, I have a client that I'll see each month. I will start and maintain her locs. It's not quite $200.00/month but I hope that my work will speak for itself and draw others.

We'll see how it goes.

Uncertainty Bites, 1

I've struggled with motherhood vs. career for years. I've been wanting to go back for my MBA for about 3 years now and have put it off for a variety of reasons. I'd like to emphasize in IS. A more indepth discussion of this problem can be read about here.

I finally decided to have a real conversation with my supervisor about taking a class in Spring. He seemed a bit reluctant, but was still quite supportive (if you can imagine that). I filled out the necessary paperwork for TAP, met with an advisor and registered for the class on December 16. I was both excited and anxious about the prospect of stepping back into the classroom after 5 years, but consoled my fear by thinking about all the benefits of having an MBA in this market and in Charlotte, a place we hope to live in the next few years.

Then it happened. I texted my pastor's wife inviting her to lunch.

One thing I can say about her is that she truly has a servant's heart. I can't speak highly enugh about this woman and the encouragement she's been in my life.As I expected, she wanted to talk about me and everything that's been going on with Warren and I. The subject of going back to school came up.

P: So, what's going on with you. Do you need me for anything?

Glo: Well, I've finally decided to go back to school.

P: Okay. Well what are you going back to school for?

Glo: Well, I'm taking an information systems class to make a decision about an MBA emphasis...

P: Okay. And what do you plan to do with that?

Glo: *apprehensive and probably way too involved explanation about what what I plan to do with the MBA

P: Okay...and how do you plan to balance that with being a mother?

Glo: *CRICKETS*

And the saga continues. In about 3-4 minutes my excitement and anxiety turned to just anxiety and I felt trapped...again...by motherhood. I hate having this feeling. I really do. Earning a post graduate degree has always been a goal of mine. I'd really like to do it. I've always had an entrepreneurial spirit and have come up with 101 ways to make a dollar BUT, I don't want to deal with the uncertainty of working for myself. I mention this because she began to talk about ways that other mothers in the church supplement the income of their husbands. Everyone she mentioned has some type of creative spark.

P: Why don't you take a photography class instead of the other one.

Glo: I could but I'm not creative. You can't teach creativity.

P: ____ could teach you.

Glo: I don't know.

P: Well what's your degree in?

Glo: Production. I thought about doing wedding videography and even did a little freelance production, but that didn't pay my bills.

P: Wedding videography is a good field.

Glo: It's so expensive to get started. The camera I'll need is over $3,000 and I'm out of practice. My portfolio ends in 2005.

P: You could pair up with ____. Look at _____. They are doing well and ______'s business is really taking off...

And so here I am...again. Pondering what it would be like to work for myself, take the risk, eventually quit my job and solely depend on my ability to hustle and market my skills...

I think part of my problem is that I really don't trust God as I should. He's Jehovah Jirah, right? I worry about the next step and how we'll pay for Warren to go to seminary, the regret of not taking advantage of my opporunity to earn an MBA for free, never being able to afford our own home or to live comfortably and debt free.

I also worry about not being there for my children and husband. Not having and eternal focus. Becoming driven by money and position. Struggle, struggle, struggle...

I am starting to get some ducks in a row and I still plan on taking the class and GMAT prep course...That's what it is right now.

*sigh*

101 Things in 1,001 Days?

I got this idea from someone I've web stalked for years (yes...years). She explains the idea behind the 1,001 days here. I'm probably going to keep track of my successes and failures here. No need to start yet another blog. I barely keep up with those I already have.

What is it?: A list of things that I'm going to set out to complete in the next 1,001 days.

Why are you doing this?: To shake things up a bit and to get more into goal setting in my personal life (not just work life).
When do you start:? January 1 is the official date but life won't end if I complete one or two more things before then.

I have some of my list completed.

In no particular order:

1. Drink water only for 40 days straight
2. Start a business side hustle that makes at least $200/month
3. Change my hair
4. Lose 15 pounds or 15% of my current body fat (long story)
5. Take a guitar or piano lesson
6. Share some of my poetry ramblings at an open mic
7. Go on a short term missions trip
8. Go on a cruise
9. Visit my grandmother alone for the weekend
10. Learn to swim
11. Take a dance class with Warren
12. Slowly but surely become a pescetarian
13. Serve during Christmas or Thanksgiving at a soup kitchen
14. Babysit Imani for a summer
15. Send a handwritten letter to my mother, my aunt, my grandmother and my great grandmother expressing my love and appreciation for them
16. Learn, once and for all, how to crochet
17. Read the entire Bible in chronological order twice
18. In Summer 2010 or 2011, wear a dress for 7 days straight
19. Abstain from fried food for 40 days
20. Actively seek out a teenaged girl to disciple
21. Actively seek out someone to disciple me (may have already found this one)
22. Spend one month away from Facebook and all favorite blogs
23. Advertise my loc maintenance services
24. Exclude fried food from diet for 30 days
25. Go on a cruise
26. Cut up all credit cards
27. Stop picking my fingers
28. Write a play
29. Attend a play
30. Attend the Savannah Jazz Festival
31. Have a picnic on Sweetheart Circle
32. Go to an NBA game with Warren
33. Take a photography class
34. Reconnect with an old friend
35. Support a missionary
36. Run/Walk in a 5K
37. See Mint Condition in concert
38. Go ice skating
39. Travel overseas

I'll continue to update this list as I add new things.