Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Facebook characters

I've been on Facebook since 2005. I've seen interesting characters emerge in this time. Below is a list of the most notable.

  1. The Hated: These people are ALWAYS being hated on. I can never really understand why, but each day they post another rant about people hating on them and their life achievements. Whether it be their recent purchase of a '97 Pontiac Grand Am or finishing up their degree at Everest College, haters just don't want to see them living large.
  2. The Random Capitalization Crew: The rules are capitalization are quite easy. Always use a capital letter when writing/typing proper nouns and the first word of sentences. The RCCs don't respect these rules and for this they must die (or be hidden). Nothing is quite as annoying as scrolling down my news feed only to see a status message tYpeD LiKe THis. Why do people do this? It's much more difficult to type this way. It's unnatural and hard on the eyes. 
  3. The Three Namers: Okay. I don't use my real name on Facebook. Why? Well, because I already have my face in over 100 pictures. Call me crazy, but I think pairing my name and my face on the internet is asking for problems in the future. Many Facebook fans have chosen to use their real names and many women include their maiden and married names to avoid confusion and to assist others in finding them in searches. When I think of the "three namers" I think of people like: John Morethanjustanoption Smith, Tanisha QueenBee Hall, and Andre BigThangsPoppin Holloway. My message to them. Please stop.
  4. The Wise Old Owls: These are the Facebook friends who put up like 10 cliched quotes a day about success. They have the answers to all of life's problems...and if they don't, they know a dead person who does. 
  5. The Likers: They've never seen a page, group, photo album or status message they didn't disagree with. They people "like" about 50 things a day. They even like their own status message updates. They're a happy, simple people. Easy to please.
  6. The Gamers: Ever looked to the left side of your home page and noticed that you have 74  game requests? Thank the gamers. Whether it's Farmville, Mafia Wars or Sorority Life, these Facebook friends live to play, especially during the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. So...don't be rude. Go help them on their farm, join their gang or become a member of their sorority...or...just do what I do and ignore most of the requests (unless it's Family Feud #judgeme)
  7. The Theologians:  They read Spurgeon, Packer, Macarthur and Piper. They ponder the implications of Christ's atonement. They study the Protestant Reformation all day long. They are the theologians. Always ready with a relevant Bible verse, they fill your feed with nuggets notes and thoughts from their daily devotions. They also post hymn lyrics.... Actually beneficial most days.
  8. The Models: You love them. You hate them. You know they have seahorses on their shower curtains due to all the bathroom mirror shots they've posted. You are familiar with their entire wardrobe. You know the interior of their car is gray leather. They fill your news feed with at least 5-10 mobile uploads a day. They've perfected the duck lips and they know they look best when photographed from the left side. #hateisawastedemotion
  9. The Randoms: They rarely post new status messages and when they do, it's always something random like: "I'm hungry" or "Just saw a squirrel on a trashcan eating a lifesaver" or "Ligers>Tigons"
  10. The News Reporters: They give you the latest on topics ranging from sports to politics. Love them or hate them, you wouldn't know half of what you know without them. You don't need a newspaper if you have at least 5 reporters on your friends list.
That's all I've got, but I'm sure more exist.


  1. haha. I'm a mix of a few people. But I'm a venter. I'm quick to post whatever is on my mind.

  2. Hey girl :-)

    I think I'm a mix as well...News Reporter, Random mostly